Preheat and prep: Heat your oven to 350°F (175°C). Lightly grease a 9x13-inch baking dish with cooking spray.

Cook the bacon: In a large skillet, cook the bacon over medium heat until crisp. Transfer to a paper towel–lined plate. Crumble once cooled. Pour off excess grease, leaving about 1 tablespoon in the pan.

Sauté aromatics: Add a splash of oil if needed. Cook the diced onion with a pinch of salt for 3–4 minutes until softened. Stir in minced garlic and cook 30 seconds more.

Brown the beef: Add ground beef to the skillet. Season with salt, pepper, and smoked paprika if using. Cook, breaking it up, until browned and no longer pink. Drain any excess fat.

Flavor boost: Stir in 1 tablespoon Worcestershire, 2 tablespoons ketchup, and 1 teaspoon yellow mustard. Simmer 1 minute. Remove from heat and let it cool slightly so it doesn’t melt the cheeses too soon.

Make the “million dollar” mix: In a bowl, beat softened cream cheese with sour cream and mayonnaise until smooth. Whisk in 2 beaten eggs until fully combined. Fold in half of the shredded cheeses.

Combine and layer: Stir the warm beef mixture into the cream cheese mixture. Fold in half of the crumbled bacon and some chopped dill pickles if you like. Spread evenly in the prepared baking dish.

Top with cheese and bacon: Sprinkle the remaining cheddar and Monterey Jack over the top. Finish with the remaining bacon for crunch.

Bake: Bake uncovered for 22–28 minutes, or until the edges are bubbly and the center is just set. Avoid overbaking so it stays creamy.

Rest and garnish: Let it rest 10 minutes to set. Drizzle lightly with ketchup and mustard if you enjoy that classic burger taste. Sprinkle with sliced green onions and extra pickles on the side.

Serve: Scoop into bowls or serve squares with a simple green salad, roasted veggies, or toasted buns on the side for a deconstructed burger plate.